Jelousy

I like to deal with specifics, just like the fictional Dr Temperance Brennan. And though we’re supposed to talk about what we know, what we live, it can be painful to both sides, it can be unfair, it can be extremely biased. That’s why I use WordFlex as my dictionary of choice and a great app called theWork which gets you to think from all sides.

It’s extremely intriguing that jealousy can be equated with discomfiture. More than uncomfortable, but just like a burr in your saddle, this gnaws at you. Just like my recurring nightmare.

I think you can only be jealous of something you’ve invested into. The more investiture the more jealousy when it’s gone. Mine resolves around a promise by three entities and to be brutally honest, I’m not sure i could confront the pain itself because the lack of the promises leave me without my lifetime base. And isn’t that what it’s all about ? That jealousy comes originally from the discomfiture of no longer being able to sit rock steady in your beliefs ? Is it that you DID know what you had, you just never believed it would go ?

Man is designed to seek comfort, no to constantly be tested. But we are. Why ? Maybe to hone us into someone, maybe to see if we are worthy. Bu I believe that we are tested mostly by ourselves seeking something higher. And that something higher is not rational in the sense that our senses, even of reason, can predetermine what this is like. It is beyond us just like the whale songs resonate to us, but have been beyond our fathoming.

A big thank you goes out to the speakers of BigThink.Com in proposing theories of everything. The first was on a speaker of string theory who found that to him the mind of God was music. The second was a theoretical psychologist (I’ve always felt that psychology is a special application of philosophy) who expanded the theory of compassion into the basis of everything, to him.

I like to think of myself as the psychologist termed “Self Illuminated Altruist.”
I used to resonate with the music. I used to be comfortable to ride on my beliefs. Now I sing to another music, but have lost hearing it inside. Now I’m riding beside my beliefs, challenging myself all the way.

Should I have met this with a prepared mind ? Absolutely! But that’s as far as I’ll go with the Buddhists. I’m Christian Orthodox for unshakeable faiths I won’t go into now.

So after using the app, THEWORK, I can see clearly that yes, I am jealous, but instead of directing it outwardly, it’s part of myself I’ve lost as I said before. So my choice is to turn that inward and curse myself or turn it sideways and become happy with myself. I don’t know how to do it yet, nor what I lost to do it, but maybe I’ll gain my soul back. And I want that very dearly.

So it seems like the answer to jealousy it to turn it sideways and ride it to happiness, whatever that is for you. It is NOT finding something else to complete you. You are who you are and will only get better. Does it hurt ? Hell yeah, in a spot you can’t reach to touch or massage. But is it also your motivational muse. It spurs us on from “it happens” to “it happens, and I will deal with it.”

Look at it this way, I have an infection. rather than blaming it on someone else, i m going to be my best doctor and excise the infection by being my best and I will know when i am my best when the infection goes away. It all boils down to faith in myself coming from a scientific application of a philosophic mindset. An existentialist, or being in the now with proof. Applying it without remorse, or rabidly. A rabid existentialist.

I believe that entities change.But I also believe that our main guiding principles do not. And that anyone who bends that does so at their own peril. So while you amy walk through the Ganges and come out the other side a new entity, you can always apply those guiding principles to be YOU again. That’s one reason I am orthodox, I practice beliefs that are ages old and do not deviate.

Someday I hope to be able to hear the music again, to believe in another’s promise. But until then i will have to ride the waves hoping to get my sea legs and navigate by the stars I know not of, YET.I hope to cure my on insanity and heal my own broken body. I will aspire.

Wonderfully this feels like Sun Tzu’s admonishment that to win, be where they aren’t. Just in my case there is no they, its just a manifestation of myself

Again, I ask for your comments, criticisms and feedback either here or at capn.walker@yahoo.com .

James C walker III JD Paralegal A+ CPSS

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:S Meeting St,Statesville,United States

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2 thoughts on “Jelousy

  1. Are you justifying jealousy? I’m thinking of people who are suspicious of their partners without cause, but jealous due to their own insecurity. It doesn’t seem like you are justifying that, but it does raise that question.

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